my father is a devout man, in his white collar shirt, thick black framed glasses, where he sits upright at the head of our table. he keeps his eyes closed, fingers steepled as he blesses all that has been laid before us. his strength is hidden, think sinew, behind his humility and those that sit around our table as guests are astounded at the complexity of his gentle arguments. obviously he is godly.
silence. lies. broken.
at night he slips through the frame of light, created by the door, and i pretend to sleep, hoping perhaps he will leave. his coarse hair bites my skin, as he settles his weight, whispering scripture in my ear as he wiggles inside of me, worms come to sup on the carrion of my soul. i am sin incarnate and he is mandated by his god to crucify me, put to death my sinful nature, for my own good. i know better than to fight.
silence. lies. broken.
my mom is not oblivious, i tried to tell her once, and in her eyes i could see the same blemish that he sees and she beat me, pants down, at the root of my sin. that was nothing compared to what he did though, admonishing me for not honoring my mother and my father. my tongue is vile, so i lived in his lies, in silence. when i became pregnant he took that too.
silence. lies. broken.
god, the father, hated me and blamed me for all, which made me powerful, yet i was the sacrificial lamb mutely bleating in the thicket. my blood ran rich on the altar for years, but i died early on, resurrected only for his good and perfect will. after the miscarriage, i ran and i have been hiding from god ever since. at night, i still cling to the sheets and when i hear those whispers, because they always come, i pray, as he taught me...my father, which lies above me, hollow is my name.
silence. lies. broken.
The Tenth Daughter of Memory.
Fuckin' Hell... pardon the pun. But way to kick-start a blog.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah... second paragraph: "coarse hair."
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so full of pain, it hurts to read it. I want to say "well done," but somehow that seems inappropriate. So instead, I'll say, "I'm sorry."
ReplyDeleteWow. That was vivid and real and so sad. And such a powerful ending. Fantastic writing.
ReplyDeletei like the arts use of the prompt through out...heartbreaking read...the abuse is enough but when he started whispering scripture...it crushed me.
ReplyDeletereally good take on the muse. quite a depressing, yet well written piece
ReplyDeleteI related to this piece on so many levels. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jeff. Amazingly powerful piece. I especially like the emphasis in each paragraph on each word of the prompt. But my heart breaks for this girl. Really hoping she's not you, yet afraid she is. Just too real. And what Brian said about the scripture whispering, that brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI love the art of the piece, the style paints the picture more painfully, and that is a good thing.
ReplyDeletethanks for the warm welcome. making the rounds now.
ReplyDeleteI like the structure of this... :)
ReplyDeleteIncredible. Absolutely amazing writing. Wow. Jeff said it best.
ReplyDeleteokay, i guess no one can express abuse better than that.
ReplyDeleteYep this is good.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you punctuate your title. Good twist. I like the layout. I like the lower case - provides excellent visual continuity and also keeps everyone on the same horizontal level which resonates.
'sup on the carrion of my soul' - good
Something amiss with this bit - 'after the miscarriage, i ran and i have been hiding from god ever since. at night, i still cling to the sheets' - scans differently, not as punchy.
This is good writing.
Listening, reading, grieving. With you. For you.
ReplyDeleteBetween the lines, I'm hearing you. You have a powerful voice, a fierce spirit. More than just a written work- this is your voice.
Just know that you're heard. And understood.
PS If my followers button was working I'd be following you! Sorry it is not allowing me to follow anyone for a few months now.
ReplyDeleteI came back to read it again...it's just so fantastic
ReplyDeleteThis was a horrible topic. My empathetic soul cringes, hides and reaches out to heal. The warrior in me wants to wreck havoc. I am sorry. That said, the format is amazing. Well done.
ReplyDeleteIm trying to type but cant for tears...tears for anyone who has ever suffered at the hand of a father...
ReplyDeleteWhew, your first blog post and you just blew it sky high.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you narrated the story in all its bloody gore, including the form, though the topic itself is evil and the sin of all sins.
The feel of this blog is different too ~ dark and beautifully mad ~